"Search me God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me; and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24
Have you ever asked God to do this? Having any concerns for your spiritual life, have you positioned yourself in a quiet and secluded place, removed all distractions, and asked God to do a cardiac catheterization (cath for short) on your heart? I'm not referring to a physical exam, but a spiritual exam.
When cardiac physicians perform heart caths they are looking for specific things. They want to determine if there are any physical weaknesses in the patient's heart; any blockages in the vessels that would impede or even stop blood flow. They also look for leaking or damaged valves, as well as, ineffective heart muscle function. Any of these situations would indicate a less than desired physical condition of the heart. Although these tests are not one hundred percent reliable, they are for the most part dependable; especially when combined with other tests, i.e., X-rays, CT scans, treadmill tests, lab work, ultra-sounds, MRI's, blood gases, and a gambit of other diagnostic tools.
After they have reviewed all the results, they are able to give a fairly reliable report on the status of the heart. At that point, the patient is able to make a decision on what to do based on the physicians recommendations. Many times when the physician is doing a cath, they are able to place stents (a type of straw like expandable wire mesh that keeps the vessel from collapsing) into the vessel to open up the blood flow. This goes a long way to improved health. In other words, the physician often takes preventive or corrective measures to circumvent further damage to the heart.
In most cases, if the patient will follow the advice of their physician, they can more than likely resume a productive lifestyle. But, that is the key...they must listen. However, before the patient can listen to the doctor, they have to seek out the doctor. In short, they have to admit there is a problem, desire correction, allow the diagnostics, and follow the recommendations.
So, at an earlier time in my life, I asked God to show me myself. A Puritan writer wrote in "The Valley of Vision", "It is a good day to me when thou givest me a glimpse of myself." I echo these sentiments and add to it how it was not only a good day for me, but terrifying as well. I have looked at my life over the years and the changes that have occurred. I was raised in a Christian home by godly parents. We were active in church and had a pretty consistent fellowship with our church friends.
As is the case with a lot of teenagers, I had some wayward times. In my early twenties to forties, I was on and off with church in general. Fast forward to my fifties, a time when my life changed in that I became serious about Jesus and serving God. I had a few things to give up, but for the most part, it was my spiritual life that concerned me. I attended several different evangelistic programs and felt fairly confident in my presentations; however, there was this nagging concern in my heart that I was not fully committed to telling others about Christ. This might not seem serious to many, but to me it was and remains a continual frustration. There are some haunting scripture verses which address this condition.
"For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in His glory and that of the Father and the holy angels." Lude 9:26
Another similar verse is Matthew 10:23,
"But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father in heaven."
Can you think of a word which embodies the sentiment of these verses? Does the word "denial" come to mind? It does to mine. This begs the question, "have I or do I deny Jesus Christ?" Is that not a question for each of us to ask as we do that inner spirit search for truth? Denial of Jesus can come in various forms. Peter's three time denial of Jesus stands out as the most obvious example. When we look at Matthew 26:69-75, we find the account of Peter denying his association with Jesus.
"Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.” He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!” After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.” Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the words Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly."
The synoptic gospels provide a little more information to the event. Mark 14:29 tells us of Peter's assurance to Jesus that he would never leave him. Jesus tells Peter in the very next verse that he would deny him three times before the night was out and the rooster crowed twice. John 18:15-27 adds that as soon as Peter denied Jesus, the rooster crowed. These verses give a great account of what happened on the night Jesus was denied by Peter; however, it is the account of Peter's denial found in Luke 22:54-62 that breaks me.
How can there be such a different impact resulting from Luke's account? What does Luke tell us the other synoptics do not? You have to use your imagination to let the scene come to life in your mind's eye. The night is cold and dark. Jesus has been praying in the garden for hours, stressed to the point of sweating like drops of blood. Judas has betrayed him with the famous "Judas kiss." Most of his followers have deserted him. There is a sense of betrayal, doom, and despair in the air.
Jesus stands before the high priest after having been arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane. Peter has followed at a distance from Jesus and the guards. He is confronted by three different people accusing him of being with Jesus and all three times Peter said he did not know Jesus. Mark tells us Peter even cursed. But, that is not what gets me. What gets me is what Jesus does after having been denied the three times as predicted. Jesus looked at Peter. Their eyes locked. There was no avoiding that by Peter. I can only imagine the look Jesus gave him. It was not a look of condemnation, anger, or disgust. It was a look of compassion. Jesus knew he would be sorely affected by this. It tells us Peter then recalled what Jesus had told him he would do. At that point Peter went outside and wept bitterly.
When Jesus looked at Peter, I believe he looked into his very soul. Peter knew in his heart of hearts he had in fact turned away from Jesus and denied his relationship with him just as Jesus said he would. The guilt was unbearable. Peter was probably asking himself how he could possibly deny the very One who had saved him. Now, before we judge Peter too harshly or declare we would never do that, let us examine ourselves a little closer. What does denial look like?
The Oxford Dictionary defines denial firstly as being the act of declaring something to be untrue and secondly, the refusal of something requested or desired. Peter met the first definition. He denied the accusation of his relationship with Jesus to be untrue. It is my belief, that I as well as many of you, meet the second definition. True, I or you might not have denied knowing Jesus to someone; however, how many times have I and you been led by the Holy Spirit to tell someone about Jesus and failed to do so? In my mind, that is denial. I stand guilty.
In all honesty, truth be told, you probably are as well. When Jesus looked at Peter, he peered into his very soul. Fortunately, I do not have to stand here looking into Jesus' eyes, but I do have the Holy Spirit in me reminding me of my responsibility as a child of God and I too am broken hearted. It is a hard thing to bear. I am not saying everyone has to go door to door with gospel tracts in order to be faithful. What I am saying is when the Holy Spirit puts an opportunity in front of us to talk about Jesus and the purpose of his death and resurrection, it is imperative we speak up and not shrink back from the chance we are given; that we stand firm.
There is good news however. Jesus did not hold judgment against Peter and ban him from eternal life with him. Instead, we find Jesus prayed for Peter that when he returned, he would strengthen his brothers, Luke 22:32,
"But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And you, when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
We also know Peter repented for his denial and became strengthened by the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. From that point on, Peter remained the rock Jesus counted on to carry on the ministry of the gospel, Acts 2:14 and following. We also know the Holy Spirit empowered Peter to heal the lame and to preach in Solomon's Colonnade. In fact, the first six chapters of Acts are focused on the ministry of Peter.
We also know the Apostle Peter wrote two books of the New Testament, 1&2 Peter. In those two books, Peter talks about the living hope we now experience due to the incomprehensible mercies of God. Peter writes of living a holy life. In 2 Peter 1:3-8, He gives us a barometer we can use to determine our spiritual status.
"For His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. By these He has given us very great and precious promises, so that through them you may share in the divine nature, escaping the corruption that is in the world because of evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Peter went from weeping bitterly at his denial of Jesus to becoming one of the most influential disciples to have ever lived. This tells me Jesus does not look on me with condemnation or anger, but with compassion and mercy. That being said, it is still my responsibility to stand firm. God has a work prepared for each of us to do and part of it is to be a witness for Christ. As we walk through the days of our lives, God puts people in our path to tell about Jesus. What will God find, denial or obedience?
I pray he finds me faithful. I pray he finds you faithful!
Wear Jesus Well
Blessings
Steve
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