Mar 13, 20237 min read

Forgive and Forget?

I use this saying, "no worries", a lot. If someone thanks me for giving a helping hand, I will say "no worries." By saying that, I am letting the person know it was my pleasure and not an imposition. Along that same line, I always enjoy hearing and saying this: "Forget about it!" Due to my country accent, it does not have the same effect. It always sounds better when you use a thick New Yorker flare coupled with a wave of the hand, shrug of the shoulders, upward curl to the corner of the lip, and squinting of the eyes. If you like, you can apply emphasis to the syllables. It might be like, Fuhgeddaboudit!

It originated out of the movie, Donnie Brasco. One source reports the phrase is used twenty-eight times in the movie. It seems to have the following application: If you think you are getting more money - Fuhgeddaboudit. If you have done something for someone and they are in your debt, Fuhgeddaboudit. It can also have the same meaning as "no worries." Go ahead; give it a try. Use the accent. Lay it on as thick as you can. Fuhgeddaboudit. You know you want to and if I was a betting man, which I am not, you have most likely already tried it as you are reading this. It's kind of like the old saying, "You talking to me?" taken from the television show Taxi. You have most likely said that in jest as well.

Ok Steve, where are you headed with this? The bible has something to say about "forgiving". You will not find in scripture the command to forgive and forget. It does tell us to forgive someone who has wronged us. Ephesians 4:32 tells us,

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

In Matthew 6:9-13, we find Jesus teaching the disciples how to pray and emphasized the importance of forgiveness.

"After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."

Jesus tells us to forgive others in like manner of the way our Father forgives our sins. In the following verses, 14 and 15, Jesus reminds us the Father will not forgive our sins if we do not forgive the sins of others. So, there you have it. The bible is clear. We are to forgive others of their sins against us. Reflecting back to Jesus on the cross, we have to remember his words,

“Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing”

Luke 23:34

Forgiving someone is not as easy to do as one might think. "I forgive you" is often declared with shallow commitment. I forgive you does not roll off our tongues. The fact of the matter is, Jesus was not telling us to nonchalantly tell a person they are forgiven. What He is saying is search yourself, go to the depths of your heart and mind, and forgive your debtor whole-heartedly, because that is exactly what is required of you when you seek forgiveness from God. We approach him with a whole-hearted, sincere attitude of repentance for our sins. I will leave it at that. It is often a challenge for us to do, yet always required of us.

This addresses the act of forgiveness, yet not exhaustively. What about the "forget" aspect? We have to start by asking "is anyone able to actually forget sins?" Can I tell you one of the most assuring passages in scripture is found in Isaiah 43:25,

“I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins."

"As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12

Is there anything more comforting than to know God will not remember our sins? If we are honest, many times when we ask someone to forgive us, we keep in the back of our minds the possibility we have really not been forgiven. But, this is God telling us through the prophet Isaiah, he will not remember them. Folks, God does not lie! Amen? So when God tells us He will no longer remember our sins, He has metaphorically written us a check and we can take it to the bank knowing the check is good.

There is a counseling field which deals with sports called sports psychology.

“Sport psychology is about understanding the performance, mental processes, and wellbeing of people in sporting settings, taking into account psychological theory and methods.” What is sports psychology? Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D.

Many aspects of this field deal with the mental challenges of the athlete. Things like mental toughness, anxiety, confidence, etc. I have viewed a lot of different sports over the course of my life. What seems to be a recurring theme is the ability for a successful athlete to forget his/her failures. For example, when a baseball pitcher faces a batter and the batter hits a home run (often referred to as a tater), the pitcher remembers that home run the next time he faces him. The contemporary practice is for him to "forget" about that home run and pitch like you have never faced him before.

I will use a more personal example dealing with my golf game. Being an average player, I am very capable of putting the golf ball in the water on any given hole. The next time I face that same hole, I approach it with much anxiety and lack of confidence because I know what happened the last time I faced that shot. It would be to my benefit if I were able to forget that last water shot, but true to form, I will take a cut at the ball while at the same time, remembering my last shot. I need to Fuhgeddaboudit, but not a chance my friend. That's why I carry extra golf balls for the day.

As I write this, the PGA Players Tournament is on the television. One of the golfers, Tyrrell Hatton put a ball in the water on the ninth hole. He proceeded to shoot the back nine with the second best score in the history of the course tournament. When asked how he turned the game around, he said, "I had some time walking between nine and ten to cool off and put the ninth hole behind me." In other words, he was able to forget about his bad shot.

We know God promises to forget our repented sins, but what about us? He has created us with incredible minds. We are able to read, write, learn concepts and apply principles with a far greater capacity than any other of the created beings. There is a problem with this. I am not saying God made a mistake in creating our minds, but in actuality, our minds are like computers. Once something is imprinted in our minds and memories, we have difficulty forgetting. We all forget formulas and many technical things. I am suggesting we have difficulty forgetting things done to us by others; things Jesus refers to as "debts or sins." "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." In other words, these debts are actually sins committed against us.

Now the rubber meets the road in the application of forgetting. We have seen what God promises to do as we seek His forgiveness. God also promises our sins are forgotten. When we have received forgiveness from God, we no longer need to remind him of those sins for which we have been forgiven. Do you see the reasoning behind this? If we return to God apologizing for our past "forgiven" sins and continually ask for Him to forgive them again and again, we are in effect calling God a liar. At the very least, we are telling God we do not believe he has really forgiven and forgotten those sins even though He has said he would.

This in no way implies God is telling us to forget our forgiven sins; however, He knows our minds and what we are capable of doing. I do believe we are not to bring those sins to him again. New sins and repeated sins are a different story. We are constantly called to repentance for those. I have found as my walk with Jesus grows, I am able to forgive more easily. Forgetting is different, but it seems when I remember those sins against me for which I have forgiven someone, I do not remember them with the same intensity as when they first occurred. They seem to be less crisp in my mind and have less influence on how I interact with those I have forgiven. Sometimes I do not even recall the offensives, but I have to admit it is still a work in progress.

As each of you read this, I am sure there are events you recall, some of them serious, that have had a negative impact on you. It seems like a platitude to say you must forgive them, but is not that exactly what we are told to do in scripture? Forgive others of their sins against you so that God will forgive yours. Forgive others as your Father in heaven forgives you. Check your heart. Check your desire to obey. The person who actually suffers from this lack of forgiveness is, well to honest, you if that is the case. I know this is a difficult post to process. I think Jesus addressed this because it is a spiritual battle he knew we face. Forgiveness is one of the most important things we can do as we approach the passion of Jesus. He always put others first and forgave even those who hated him.

In bringing this to a close, I would like to challenge you to search your hearts for any lack of forgiveness. Ask the Lord to reveal anything you are holding against someone. Remember your position in relation to the Father. If He is willing and desires to forgive us when we repent of our sins, can we do anything less when someone sins against us?